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Jan 10, 2022

Question: How do we split up “the chores” of a household?

  • For marriage, roommates, families, etc.

Dave & Heidi housekeeping love story

  • Gottman research, wives find spouse doing housework erotic



  1. do what works, not what is expected
  • Identifying expectations from other places – culture, family of origin, assumptions
  • equality doesn’t mean 50/50, it’s seeing each other as equals
  • there is no perfection in chore life: dailyness of life together in a household and the value of working on the daily things together even when they aren’t fun
  • name your own expectations and desires: what needs to be done? How often? On certain days? etc.
  • avoid extreme chore mentality
  • consider the mental energy of appts and schedules and bills, etc, outdoor/indoor
  • “I need you to participate more fully in (fill in the blank)”
  • building your family culture: we all live here, we all have jobs to get the stuff of life done


  1. talk about it, write it down, list it all out (15:00)

What can we stop doing?

What do we each like doing?

            What do I never want to do?

            How can we split it up?

  • think about it as a “communication playground”


  1. ongoing, constant conversation (29:52)
  • marriage contract joke
  • make trades
  • ask for help in both directions


Short answer: talk about it, talk about it more, write it down, be extremely practical in this area