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Jan 3, 2022


How do we come to terms with the closure of a childhood friendship? What are ways to find contentment and peace when that friend no longer reaches out to us?

Submitted by listener, Emily 


our childhood BFFs

Research moment: 1 in 10 friendships survive into adulthood


  1. Children practice being a friend and there’s a learning curve.
  • Children are learning how to be humans and learning relationship is part of that.
  • Cultural misunderstandings – childhood friendships are backbones of our relational lives

Research shows that having childhood friendships matters, but social support is what really has an impact longitudinally.

Study with middle schoolers:

  • Learning the effort of friendship from models and mentors in our lives
  • Naming the complexities of relationship for one another


  1. Friendship sometimes lasts for a moment, a season, or a lifetime.
  • Some friendships will end, every friendship doesn’t have to be a lifetime relationship
  • The difference between guilt and shame when a relationship ends
  • Listening to the Spirit and your spirit for deciding where to put effort in friendships
  • Taylor Swift, Long Pond Documentary -
  • values and personalities more important over affinities and interests

Research link:

  • Concordia Publishing House values article:
  • Honor the past as well as the present of the relationship v adding expectations, honor the other person’s sacrifice as well


  1. Growth mindset that allows grieving but also growing up.
  • Friendships are best when the individuals grow in them, even if that means growing apart
  • some people grow in the same direction and some in different directions, both are growth
  • Non-judgment and letting people who they are
  • Effort, asking for what you need, asking for what they need
  • How to let go: allow yourself some space to grieve and be disappointed, connect with God’s unchanging nature and friendship, experience grace around the friendship
  • Honor it – reflect on good memories, consider what that relationship brought into your life and practice gratitude for the gift
  • DBT with Dave – let the friendship be what it is ;)


Short answer: friendships have their seasons